Teachers always joke around about the material they collect over the years that would be perfect for writing books or performing comedy routines. Working with kids is unlike any other profession because it's truly unpredictable. The stuff that comes out of their mouths is priceless!
Let me give you a few examples:
Q: "Mrs. Steven, you said we could bring in something special to write about tomorrow. Can I bring in some of Ziggy's [his bearded dragon] shedded skin?"
Me: "Q, that would be pretty messy."
Q: "Well I could have my mom put it in a plastic baggie for me!"
Me: "How 'bout no?"
T: "Can I go to the nurse in about an hour? I threw up right before I got to school."
Me: "I think you should probably go to the nurse NOW."
JR: "Mrs. Steven, I hated that [math] game. It was boring."
JP: "Mrs. Steven, WHY do I always get stuck in a group with all girls? I hate girls!"
Me: "JP, someday you will beg your teacher to put you in a group with all girls!"
JP: "That's what my dad says..."
PM: "Mrs. Steven, who is your favorite football team?"
Me: "The Baltimore Ravens."
PM: "Oh. I like the Patriots."
Me: "Well I do love Tom Brady..."
PM: "Huh. My mom says the same thing!"
[Said literally every single day of my life]
Me: "Fourth graders DO NOT crawl around on the floor!"
Me: [giving directions]
IG: [every single time] "Well, what if...?"
Me: "We are NOT playing the 'what if' game"
To be continued...there's plenty more where this came from!