Last night, I was watching an episode of Friends, and I'm at the point in the series where Chandler and Monica are engaged and planning their wedding. As is typical with Phoebe, she's in a new relationship and is all. over. the guy. They're stealing kisses in the corner of Central Perk and are all caught up in the "I miss you more" contest.
And then Monica realizes it.
She's never going to have that again.
Because Monica and Chandler are in a steady relationship heading toward marriage, she knows and recognizes for the first time that she will never kiss another guy or have those mushy gushy butterfly feelings from the beginning of a new relationship. She and Chandler are comfortable, things are no longer a novelty. And that really freaks her out.
To be honest, I can't for the life of me figure out why in the world that would be disappointing for Monica. It certainly wasn't for me!
Walker and I met when we were 19 years old and had been together for close to four years when we were married at age 22. Yes, we were young. But to be completely honest, I wouldn't have it any other way.
In my marriage, I am accepted. I do not have to pretend to be or like anyone or anything in order to impress my husband (ie. be the "cool girl", if you've read Gone Girl). He knows who I am and is 100% in love with that person. I don't have to be put together all the time, with perfect hair and makeup. He loves me in my PJ's as much as the next thing.
In my marriage, I am free. I found that there's an immense amount of joy that comes with the freedom in a committed relationship. Sure, I won't kiss or sleep with any more guys in my lifetime, but it's really great to know that I have so many more years to explore life with my husband.
In my marriage, I am cherished. I don't need those early relationship-smitten butterflies. I have someone who will love me and be committed to me once those feelings fade. He made a vow to spend the rest of his life with me.
In the early days, one of my favorite parts about going to Virginia to see Walker's family was the moment that I would turn onto their street after more than three hours of driving. My heart would leap into my throat and start pounding in anticipation of getting to spend time with my boyfriend, or later, my fiance. Now, I don't have those feelings as I make that turn. Don't get me wrong - I am always thrilled to be there, but it's not the same type of excitement. Yet as I steer the car onto the gravel leading up to their house as my GPS tells me I have reached my destination, I am hit with the fact that I don't need that anticipation anymore. My husband is already with me. He's sitting beside me and I have the joy of spending all my days with him. And the best part? I know that he will be by my side as I leave that place a few days later.
I love my marriage because it has transcended Monica's fears. Sure, those basic "firsts" are now obsolete, but there are plenty of other exciting ones to have in the future.